Depression.

Well, it looks like it's been a while since I wrote here... 9 months or so to be exact. I guess I discovered that I'm not a blogger unless I have something major going on in life.

Anyway, I'm scared because I'm pretty positive that I'm legitimately depressed. I'm not accepting that, or letting it conquer me, but the only reason I feel and act these days can be described as depression. I have so much going on right now - I'm pretty sure that I'm done at PLBC, and am accepting that - it's time to leave this behind and move on to something better, even though I'm not finished my degree here. Secondly, my mom continually refuses to understand the person that I am and about the size (metaphorically) of heart in me. I am, seriously, not being dramatic - misunderstood.

As of December 17th I must have a steady job with my photography on top. And then, since I'll have a steady job (have to) then I'm moving out into my own place (no idea where yet, just have the date) on Feb. 1st.... and that's not at all far away. That's really, really soon. And I'm growing up and screaming for independence - can't wait for it, I'm not scared - but I'm just wishing that in this moment in time things could be easier.

I want some acknowledgement that I'm alive. I want some support from my actual FAMILY. It's pretty sad when the only reason you know what family is is because you stayed with three wonderful united ones throughout the past summer - but if it weren't for that - you wouldn't even know what "family" meant.

God, please me with me. I know you are, and I know you keep me safe through all that I do - but I need you to help me. I'm crying out to you - and yes, again, it's all about me in this moment but I do praise you for the God that you are. Thankyou that you are sovereign, thankYou that you are everlasting, ever-present and always loving. Thankyou that you are my daddy, always...

Now I just... need help. I'm so, so, so hopeless, and lost, and wishing someone would SEE ME.